The Coon is so Vile
by Shadowgate
Summary: The Coon decides to rear his ugly head again in South Park.
1. Chapter 1

The Coon is so Vile

By Shadowgate

…...

Cartman walked to the bus stop and saw his three friends.

"Hey Kenny your mom is so poor she went to McDonalds and put a shake on lay away."

Kenny replied "fuck you Cartman."

Cartman went on to say "Stan I'll bet if you marry Wendy she'll beat your ass every night and make you call her mistress."

Stan said "I think someone wants an early morning ass whooping."

Cartman then stated "hey Kyle your mom is nothing but a lazy fat Jew whore who wants to make America communist."

Kyle said "someone has earned an early morning ass whooping."

Kyle delivers a back hand punch to Cartman leaving him with a black eye. Stan punched Cartman and left him with a big fat lip. Kenny delivered a spin kick and gave Cartman a bloody nose."

Cartman gets back up and asks if one of them would mind helping him to the nurse's office. When they got to school they helped Cartman wash up in the nurse's office and Cartman was given an ice pack by the nurse.

Kyle said "Cartman you know how to push our buttons."

Cartman shot back "you're a ginger motherfucker Kyle."

Kyle replied "no I don't fuck your mother I just fuck you up fat boy."

Kenny quickly commented "I would fuck Cartman's mother."

The three boys laugh at Cartman.

Later that night the Coon was seen by South Park residents.

Officer Barbrady got on his police radio and sent out an APB.

Law Enforcement in the area developed a file on the Coon and they did not consider him good.

Stan Marsh had a police scanner and when he heard that the Coon was the prowl he called Kyle on his cell phone.

Kyle just said "that shithead maybe up to something."

Stan's door bell rang and he told Kyle he had to go.

When Stan opened the door he saw nobody. Then he heard a voice call out "Stan."

Stan asked "Mysterion where are you?"

Mysterion answered "out in the street."

Stan looked to his right and saw Mysterion. Mysterion told him "I took a nap after school and had a dream that the Coon would be up to something."

Stan asked "I just heard on my police scanner he's been spotted."

Mysterion said "I believe he may try to kidnap Red because Kyle has a soft spot for Red."

Stan said "well hopefully her dad will shoot him dead if he tries to. Cartman has done horrible things and he's only gotten worse over the years."

Mysterion commented that the only time anyone felt sorry for him was when he was locked up for a hate crime. Right after that Stan told Mysterion he would join him for the night.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

The Coon is so Vile

Chapter 2

By Shadowgate

…...

Wendy, Bebe, and Red were walking home from the store.

It was late at night.

The Coon approached them. Bebe said "oh shit it's Bruce Vilanche."

The Coon became furious and he scratched both Wendy and Bebe before grabbing Red. Red's cell phone fell but she managed to click/dial her parents number. Her parents heard screaming and they flipped out.

They called back immediately and Bebe picked up the phone.

"HELLO!"

Red's dad asked "what the hell is going on?"

Bebe answered "RED HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED! WENDY AND I WERE BOTH ASSAULTED!"

Wendy called Stan and when she told him what had happened he was infuriated.

Toolshed soon came out to join Mysterion and soon they looked up in the sky they saw both Human Kite and Mint Berry Crunch.

Mint Berry said "hello I have come back for a visit and it appears I'm just in time."

Stan yelled "MOTHERFUCKING ERIC CARTMAN SCRATCHED WENDY'S FACE! I SERIOUSLY WANT TO KILL HIM!"

Stan raises a hacksaw.

Mint Berry said "Toolshed you can't kill the Coon or you could end up in prison."

"I TOOLSHED WANT TO KILL THE COON!"

Mysterion could see Toolshed's neck pulse pounding.

Mysterion told him "we'll get the son of a bitch."

Mint Berry Crunch asked "why would he kidnap Red?"

Kyle answered "he kidnapped Red because he knows I have a soft spot for her. He's mad about the beating we gave him this morning and he has gone too far."

Stan said "let's join together and fight."

Stan states "Toolshed!"

Kenny states "Mysterion!"

Kyle states "Human Kite!"

Bradley states "Mint Berry Crunch!"

All four superheroes rushed to Cartman's house. They found out he wasn't there. But they went inside and got the secret base secured.

Human Kite decided to call the Coon on his cell phone. Toolshed set off the Coon-Alert Alarm.

The search was on for the Coon and his kidnapping victim.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

The Coon is so Vile

Chapter 3

By Shadowgate

…...

All four superheros had been told they saw the Coon heading toward Stark's Pond.

Luckily the witnesses who tipped them off were right. They found Red tied up. Cartman was trying to sacrifice her to raise Chutulu.

Toolshed yelled "STOP RIGHT THERE YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Human Kite kicked Coon in the face.

"If this was your plan for getting even for the beat down at the bus stop your plan is ruined" exclaimed Human Kite.

Toolshed stated "kidnapping is a horrible crime" and he picked up the ax that the Coon was going to use to sacrifice Red.

Toolshed exclaimed "I WILL KILL YOU COON!"

Mysterion yelled "NO TOOLSHED!" Mysterion pulled out a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed the Coon.

Wendy said "Stan I know you're pissed off at the Coon. We all are. I'd say that holding cell will be a good place for the fat fucking asshole."

Mysterion said "exactly."

BACK IN SECRET BASE!

The Coon is locked up.

The Coon said "well maybe I should have just let the beating at the bus stop go but instead I decided to just keep being a dick."

Mysterion replied "you're always a dick."

After Toolshed and Human Kite helped Red clean up her injuries and get back on her feet she was happy and relieved.

Wendy kissed Toolshed and that caused him to throw up into the holding cell.

Coon exclaimed "gross Toolshed!"

Red asked "Human Kite you're really Kyle aren't you?"

Human Kite answered "yes and I'd love to walk you home."

Red said "oh that would be great."

Human Kite took Red's right hand into his own. The Coon joked "two gingers will go skipping home hand in hand."

The Human Kite just ignored the Coon and the two walked home.

When Red arrived home still holding Kyle's hand she saw police cars and her parents rushed out with glee.

Red introduced Kyle to her parents and said he along with his friends helped rescue her and the captor was dealt with.

Kyle and Red began dancing on Red's driveway.

The police declared the case closed. When they looked up at the night sky they saw beautiful stars and Mint Berry Crunch flying across South Park. Red said "to have been rescued from a kidnapper and having this dance this has been the greatest night of my life."

THE END


End file.
